I’ve screwed up simple situations that most of you would’ve probably handled with more maturity, tact and foresight.
*enter growing pains + embarrassing realizations
I take time to wax introspective on my behavior, my thinking, my values, et cetera…to understand how I managed to make silly mistakes that my friends claim they wouldn’t have made. I mull this over until I’m satisfied and have come to grips with how I screwed up or inadvertently created a negative impression on others. (Please don’t ask why I spend too much time reflecting)
That being said, I’m certain all failing results I’ve been part of aren’t always caused primarily by my deficiencies. Deciding whom to blame is not a productive activity; it’s a waste of time.
However, I’m hoping my insight and reflection will provide perspective that will help others who like to mull things over.
I’ve decided that a lot of times, errors are combinations of misinterpreted facts, emotionally-charged mis-judgements and unnecessary conclusions people make about others.
The problem is, often times we tend to think our abilities to decipher and decode human behavior are a gazillion times better than they actually are. Sadly, we are only wasting our time when we sit and analyze others’ actions to try and determine WHY they behave the way they do.
Fact is, people’s motivations change all the time. Even if you pinpoint another’s motives and intentions, they aren’t helpful. For instance, if you’re someone’s boss, then your role requires you reduce risk by assessing others’ behaviors to predict their future behaviors – not judge your direct’s value as an individual.
A. Needless to say, a person who believes he/she has the natural Freudian acumen and capacity (and time) to analyze enough behavioral data to comprehend others’ intentions is ineffective.
Again, ineffective. Why?
- you’re not Freud.
- you’re not smart enough to make those conclusions.
- you don’t know the person’s background (even if you do dig and waste time and resources to find background information about a person)
- you’re not in the person’s head.
- Your conclusions don’t matter and will probably won’t contribute to your overall purpose.
…so far, I’ve accomplished all four in the last 20+ years.
For further details and the rest of the article, visit Meg.Email’s blog.
“ Dear youth in the office: I, too, belong in this group. And, I, too, have felt your frustration. I’ve held various occupations since I was 16, and I’ve pushed paper in Dilbert’s office. I struggle between not feeling on track to achieve my full potential and a reality check. If I may make a suggestion that would provide you with a fresh set of eyes, it would be this: …
Sit in a “real” diner. One that Jonathan Gold would never been interested in visiting. Perhaps one in a struggling small town. Take a seat, look into the kitchen and observe the hourly workers prepare your meal.
Breathing in fumes and lard day after day in hairnets covered in grease…Then observe them when they clean up at the end of the day. Rinsing the kitchen mats, rinsing other people’s food off dishes, mopping the floor (I used to whine about this). Then reflect on your perspective again. Passion about one’s work often comes from being proud of the job you’ve done no matter what type of work you do. Pride in one’s work brings the “joy” you described. Enjoyment in one’s work comes with the sense of ownership you get when you give even the smallest paper-pushing task your absolute best effort while biting your tongue. It comes from feeling like you’ve grown and have crossed a rite of passage. All those people at the top whom I admire and strive to emulate have had to “do the dishes” at some point in their lives. It’s a prerequisite and a rite of passage for anyone on the path to achievement. Best of luck to you. Onward!“
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On this post: Youth In The Office: Confessions Of A Fed-Up Employee
“ Undergraduate education is not technical school. Some of us attend school because we value a well-rounded education, not to secure employment after graduation. Educational background (undergraduate) are less relevant than internships, volunteer experience and on-campus activities. There’s a distinction between going to a trade school and attending a university.
“Chuck” – as Will Smith calls her – acknowledges the opportunities she was afforded by those who vouched for her when others thought she was just another pretty face.
I’ve never met Riley, but I remember having the same fit at the toy store when I was her age…*whining that it’s not fair!!!
I finished sending the first batch of holiday cards to friends and family last week. I’ll be sending the second batch tomorrow. This is an exciting time for me. I love wrapping gifts, making cards and most importantly, the holiday and new year cards I purchased at discounted prices throughout the year redeem their value and reward me for my early holiday preparation.
It may seem silly to buy holiday cards in March and April despite their discount, and many naysayers who see me shop probably think to themselves that I’ll only lose the cards before Christmas. But I know better. I feel great about not spending a dime on holiday cards especially because some of the finer paper cost a fortune!
That said, I have to admit I did spend under ten bucks on blank envelopes and blank cards to design a Christmas card for my etsy.com shop.
Since most cards during the holidays (appropriately) look frosty and frigid, I decided to use warm tones this holiday.
This week, we (@PrettyPinkPro) participated in the chat about handling tricky work situations by painfully looking at our mistakes and the valuable lessons we learned from them. The chat was moderated by career experts, @EmilyBennington & @greatonthejob.
Consequently, I feel compelled to give gifts to my gadget “friends” this holiday…(Well, ok…perhaps these are actually gifts to myself).
In any case, here are some super adorable tech gadget accessories I discovered online.
What’s your laptop wearing today?
|I think he’s saying, “I glow in the dark!”|
|Pink Leather Laptop Sleeve|
|Laptop Sleeve (currently wearing in Bronze leather)|
I wonder if my dream about Shaquille O’Neal had anything to do with above thought (see journal entry to understand reference to Shaq).
I wanted an understanding of Twitter’s history and main purpose.
<enter hashtags: (#Twitter, #prettypinkponies, #SEO, #marketing, #relationships, #Twitterville, #books)
you’ve won him over.
I congratulate you, I’d like to remind you that the toughest is yet to come –
winning over his parents, his siblings and their family pets.
you may have done a great job planning for the holidays by buying greeting
cards and presents six months ahead of time, the invitation to meet his family
may be something you didn’t anticipate when scheduling 2011 back in 2010.
are three questions that’ll help you prepare for this nerve-racking invitation:
with all social gathering events, I like to ponder the following three
questions when deciding what to wear, what to bring and other small details
that are key to making the best possible impression of yourself.
are you there?
other words, being confident in who you are in the face of possible rejection
can be tough. Regardless of what discomfort this might present, it’s important
to stand up for who you truly are.
his parents isn’t your cue to turn into his mother’s vision of the perfect
woman for her son. Let go of your strategy to channel Betty Crocker and develop
a passion for collecting antique cat figurines by December. This plan is bound
to lead to disaster.
is more impressive than a woman who is confident and comfortable in her own
skin and who handles conversations with diplomacy and grace.
his mother’s disappointed you’re not Betty Crocker, she’ll get over it if her
son’s happy and enjoying himself with you.
you meeting his family at their cozy home down South or at a fancy extravaganza
at their neighborhood’s 75th annual holiday gala? Either way, keep
in mind the occasion’s level of formality as well as the weather (in case
you’re traveling to a region you’ve never been before). It will not impress
anyone if you’re wearing your bedazzled cocktail dress to the Scrabble game
with close family and neighbors after holiday dinner. Obviously, a cozy sweater
and casual pants would be more ideal when playing with the family dog and your
date’s adorable nieces and nephews.
on the side of practicality first, then decide how to express your awesome
are you there?
Why are you meeting his family? Are you there to learn more about how your new
boyfriend was brought up? Are you there to get to know him a little better? Or,
are you there because you’ve decided that this is an audition for an upcoming
role as their daughter-in-law? If you think a nice holiday with his fam is an
audition, don’t go.
repeat: don’t go.
trip is more about him than it is about you. Get to know his family. Get to
know him. Try and get an understanding of why he prefers pancakes to French
toast and bond with him. This isn’t your opportunity to show off your
baton-twirling act. This is your opportunity to connect with others and to show
that you’re honored to have been invited to share the holidays with their
family. What wins people over? No. Not your fancy Prada purse. You’re not going
to mingle with Bruno at the Milan fashion show (are you?).
are won over when you care about their interests and are considerate of their
needs. Talk about your Prada purse another time.
For other Love + Dating articles, visit MadeWomanMag.com
For the smart, professional, chic woman who can’t live life without style, below are examples of office-appropriate footwear to inspire confidence as you march into the boardroom to present your brilliant ideas to colleagues. (No one will know the secret to your spectacular presentation!) Go get ’em!
Here are some other things to keep in mind when shopping for shoes:
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“ If the major deterrent to accepting “creative thinking” in the workplace is low tolerance for uncertainty, I would surmise that highly-regulated and high-risk industries have don’t evolve as quickly as others due to lack of innovation (“creativity”). Do you have any thoughts about the relationship between regulation and innovation? Thank you for posting this article. Much appreciated. 3P“
I’m spending a lot of my time volunteering and connecting with people on LinkedIn and other websites. I find this a rewarding use of my recent free-time (despite the extra weight I’ve gained). Below is a recent discussion with a fellow Dress For Success volunteer on the DFS LinkedIn Group about women and mentorship. If you have any insight, please do share.
Thank you for visiting our blog.
DFS Group-member’s response to Forbes.com article:
Corporate America only “pays” for those that have positions that are at a higher level, which to me, seems terribly unfair. We all contribute to the company’s success and since we are the right hand to the Sr. Executive that is creating the decisions, we should absolutely be mentored and have that person guide us in either how we can help them in a better way and ourselves for the future in that company.
I CAN say I have had one or two wonderful bosses that have taken the time to mentor me the best they can, in the time small period alloted and I have asked them to. But it was not a initiative. So, I ask anyone and everyone that I work with, “What is it that I can do better, what have they done in their careers to get them where they are, etc.”
So, I would like to know how different a sponsor would be , as these people also advocated for me? Thanks so much!
Our response to fellow DFS member:
I’ll look for the recent study published regarding the effects of sponsorships vs. mentorships in a professional woman’s trajectory and send it to you (or post it).**
Unfortunately, whether anyone “pays” to facilitate these relationships or not, it’s really up to ourselves to create opportunities and become visible to the organization in which we belong.
I, personally, have had professional mentors in my industry which happened “organically”, as well as limited experience in a mentorship formally arranged by my previous firm.
Obviously, there are many factors and variables that would affect the outcome of each relationship. To me, a professional “mentor” or confidante or even an inspiring leader to observe is better than none at all. My experience suggests that genuine bonds easily form when there is natural curiosity by the mentee, natural leadership abilities in the mentor and some common ground and chemistry between the two. Surprisingly, some inspiration have come from those in leadership positions with whom I had very limited interaction – they led via behavior and motivation. And, their work and character are obvious when observing their behavior and interactions with others over a long span of time. I’ve gotten close to a few senior level professionals my industry by virtue of having worked in the same field and city for ten years. These are informal “mentors” on whom I can rely to serve as ‘soundingboards’ for myself when I have specific questions, and they have consistently provided me with honest and good advice.
As with any relationship, a lot of it is trial and error. I’ve been disappointed, betrayed and let down by professionals I’ve trusted. No one goes to work to make ‘friends’.
The key is to cultivate and care for these relationships as they are precious [I still struggle with effectively demonstrating this]. It’s quite generous for others to take time to provide you with insight it has taken them years of experience to acquire. Their time shouldn’t be taken lightly. Furthermore, it helps when you’re naturally inquisitive about the person as opposed to framing the question as a request for specific steps to take to reach the top. I find there is no answer to the question, “how can I reach the stars?”. To each their own. However, regular conversations with a trust professional in your field (not working in your office, preferably) can provide you with an extra set of eyes to your specific situation, thus allowing you to have a wider perspective before making big career decisions.
I’m naturally curious about people. I love reading biographies. And, I’m the same when I meet people who I find fascinating – whether their “higher up the chain” or nowhere near a chain.
I read an excellent quote yesterday paraphrasing Cornell West’s comment. I like it because it reminds me not to lose sight of the bigger things in life and who besides ourselves to consider:
- High-performing employees, particularly women, gain critical, career-accelerating experiences and advancement opportunities.
- Sponsors receive valuable feedback from protégés and build reputational capital as leaders committed to building a robust pipeline of talent.
- Organizations increase employee engagement, retention, talent development and the strength of the talent pipeline.
Founded in 1962, Catalyst is the leading nonprofit membership organization expanding opportunities for women and business. With offices in the United States, Canada, and Europe, and more than 400 preeminent corporations as members, Catalyst is the trusted resource for research, information, and advice about women at work. Catalyst annually honors exemplary organizational initiatives that promote women’s advancement with the Catalyst Award.”
Additional References & Resources:
Link to: Do You Have A Mentor/Sponsor? discussion on Linked In.
Link to: Forbes article
Link to: Catalyst published study: effects of mentorship vs. sponsorship **
Link to: Resources for Leadership article
Link to: Center for Creative Leadership
‘Masculine Norms’: Why Working Women Find It Hard to Reach the Top – Knowledge@Wharton
You’ve heard the comparison before: a job search is like looking for a mate.
If this analogy is anywhere near accurate, then I’m currently reading the job seeker’s version of Neil Strauss’ “Rules of the Game”.
His name is Harper. And according to the story’s main character, he’s “big in the right places and small in the right places”. The book’s title is “Harper’s Rules”, and the story is an entertaining account of the relationship between a superstar recruit and her superstar recruiter.
I don’t have an opinion on whether or not I see job-seeking as completely akin to mate-seeking, however, I agree there are at least a few similarities. More importantly for myself, however, are the witty Harper-isms that make me laugh out loud and take notes.
Some of “Harper’s Rules” on finding the best path to your dream job:
- Put your personal network on notice.
- Use direct, simple language.
- Network with two headhunters that specialize in your niche.
- Do your homework.
- Your resume is a highlight film; it’s SportsCenter, not the unedited game footage.
- Your resume is an advertisement; it is not an affidavit.
- Don’t accept a counteroffer after terminating your relationship with your employer.
- Cultures don’t change. You assimilate or you leave.
- If you’ve stopped laughing, quit immediately.
- If none of the original reasons why you took the job are still valid, or you settled for less than what you were meant to do, your dream will haunt you till you leave.
Yup. He’s a sexy recruiter alright. And, I like his style (Apologies in advance for the plethora of Harper-isms you’ll be seeing in our tweets as I finish reading the book).
Have a great day!!!
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“ Check out this clever photography exhibit titled “Fallen Princesses” by Dina Goldstein. http://www.myprettypinkponies.com/2011/09/fallen-princesses-by-dina-goldstein.html
Below is an article written by fellow 85Broads member, Christina McEntee.
The post provides a list of the dos and don’ts of Strategic Planning for organizations. Christina’s suggestions help organizations remain effective during a challenging economy and operating with less resources.
I think these pointers are just as relevant for the individual facing challenges. Would you apply ‘strategic planning’ to achieve your personal goals?
Strategic Planning In Challenging Times
Thank you, Christina!!!
“ Interestingly, I often try and downplay my youth and femininity to prevent the common assumption that my “looks” (and not my intelligence, savvy and professionalism, etc…) helped me with my achievements. There’s nothing more irritating than having my intelligence and other valuable qualities overlooked or minimized because of my femininity.
We ask our friend, Adam, how to best avoid the jiggles…(I’m not a fan of point #1)
Being in-between jobs is no reason to sit around and take a metaphorical vacation from being a professional.
1. Learn fundamentals of UX (User Experience)
I’m continuing to learn more and more about developing my blog and web page out of necessity. “User Experience” (in the context I find relevant to my professional goals) is what the 70’s referred to as “customer service” (aka CX “customer experience).
That is the consideration of what a client (customer/user/visitor/audience) experiences during the purchase of goods and/or services. This will be a fundamental ingredient in sales spanning across all industries. If UX is akin to “customer service”, then it is vital for every business person to understand the magnitude of its value. Or, at the very least, its role in business.
(Customer Experience Awards brief)
2. Recover and reflect
3. Add some poetry (or fiction) in my life
I’ve been reading so many business-related and reference books, I’ve forgotten what it’s like to get lost in a good story (novels). I have a stack of good books waiting to be read and critical thinking waiting to be had. Finally finishing Neal Stephenson’s “Diamond Age” and/or any of the William Gibson novels will hopefully inspire thought that has nothing to do numbers and statistics.
4. Physical exercise (and yoga!)
(Hopefully, this doesn’t need to be justified)
5. Identify the “color of my parachute”
In other words, reassess my life goals and values and determine whether or not they’re consistent with my professional trajectory. In an ideal world, I’d evaluate and re-evaluate my goals at least monthly to keep myself on track. However, during stressful and busy weeks of full-time work, this important goal gets brushed aside and seems more insignificant than it truly is.
6. Real quality time with family and friends
I’m sorry to admit that I’m not the best at this. Being obsessed with efficiency and networking and other career mumbo-jumbo caused me to lose sight of what’s truly valuable to me – people. I hope to connect and catch up with my friends and spend quality time with every one of them the real way: face-to-face and with undivided attention.
Here are examples of topics I highlight in my blog: